that special someone

I was going to write this morning, but I didn't know what to write about. I guess sometimes you just have to live a day, and then before you know it, you have all kinds of things to say, and then you can't wait to sit down and type it out before you forget it. You don't have to read this...I just need to let it out.

This post is going to be a little more deep and personal than previous ones....after all, when I first started, I knew I would get around to the topic of love, and relationships, and engagements and that whole part of life. I guess it just seems that when you are at the stage of life that I am at, it is unavoidable.

Do you have someone in your life that knows you better than you know yourself? That without trying, and without telling yourself to do so, you unconditionally love them more than anyone or life itself in a way you can't even describe? That you would do anything for? That you can run to at anytime you need someone to listen or cry with you no matter what they are doing? That you want with you for everything you experience in life? That you enjoy spending time with whether you are doing anything at all or nothing at all? That tells you that they love you and you know it's true and that it is the most real and amazing thing you can ever feel? It doesn't even have to be a person of the opposite sex, or dating or anything like that...just someone in your life that means the world to you. If you do, and especially if you have someone that will be that person for the rest of your lives, like if you are married to them....then I hope that you are THANKING GOD for that every single waking moment of the day. Don't take if for granted- you are blessed! It's definitely a very natural thing that I think everyone in this world longs for....

Although that is true, I don't believe that I have ever been one to be so desperate for it (as I hear people all the time...whining and depressing themselves because they don't have "that special someone"), although I have never had someone I call a boyfriend or even a single "best friend". (I have had many people in life that at different times I will call "one of my best friends" or a best friend of the time- not one through all of life.) I have always known that God is the One to fill that void, to love me, to run to...so that I don't need to go elsewhere always searching...and most of all, that He will provide that man in time. Although I wanted it and even thought I had the right guy in mind, I was content in knowing that God was going to be the One making things happen. I would just wait. After all, I have had lots of great friends, and for that I have always been thankful. I always have gotten sick of hearing people complain about being sick of engagements or not having one. I share in others' joy very easily! :) Complaining is not worth it. But I am ready to have someone to always run to, always be with, always talk to, always love. Whether that person be a best friend or a boyfriend or a husband...gosh, why couldn't I just have a sister! If I have ever someone like that, I think it has only lasted a short time...something always changes.

You know this had to be sparked by something....Tonight I spent time with the friend who two years ago I would have called the "best friend" that knew me so well that he would say things I never thought I told him or that I didn't realize myself, would wipe away my tears, set me straight and tell me that he loved me, I could go to everyday just to sit and do nothing, I felt his pain like it was my own and would do anything I could for him, we had lots of good times and memories. Well, it didn't change immediately, but by the time we didn't see each other everyday at school and he was dating the one he would marry, it slowly but surely changed drastically. Although the impact he has had on my life will always be there (such as the fact that I would not have the job I do, and I understand much more about life and relationships), the role he's held is not there. It's come down to seeing each other every couple of months, and rarely even keeping in touch. It's been hard to realize that the one he will marry has long surpassed any role I ever had in his life and that well, because I am a girl, I don't have much role left to fill. I'm not jealous or bitter about any of this. I am very happy for the two of them. But I can't help but wonder if I would be even happier if I had that person too and therefore wouldn't be so hard to watch this friendship slip away from me as I watch him prepare to spend his life with her. I just miss him and what we had.

It was enhanced by the fact that we hung out with two married couples (that were more his friends than mine). Here I am the only one that is completely unattached, not having a clue what it is like to be in those shoes...

Anyway, although I am content in waiting in what God has planned for me as well as the fact that He is in control and sovereign in what state I am in right now...I've been wondering tonight if I am ready for that special someone or if at least that I could have amidst the masses of friendships, one that could truly fill that spot of a best friend. I know it's normal, and I know that I trust God, and seriously, He has given me a sound mind and heart about it...if I seem I am complaining or feeling sorry for myself, I'm not...I'm just feeling and thinking. And it's pretty randomly stated! But since I know you often talk to the man upstairs too, maybe you could just tell Him that I would be up for this...cuz maybe if I really ask Him for it, it will come! ;)

Way past my bedtime...

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!