December was, as usual, a very very busy month for me. It was filled with birthday celebrations, long work days, extra work days, shopping, Christmas parties, and other friend gatherings. I had very little time to myself. Then came Christmas, and all that comes with "I work at a church" life. We had 8 fantastic services in 3 days.
I was thankful to maintain normal health through all of these days (though my gym time was minimal *ahem*). Up until the very end of this December marathon I felt great. I couldn't wait to have some time off from work so that I could have time to do the mundane things like cleaning my house!
Apparently, my body thought differently. Literally, halfway through our very last Christmas Eve service, the day before complete freedom, my body just decided to quit. I'm pretty sure I heard my throat, my singing voice, and my energy levels just declare, "I'm done." And that was the end.
I spent much of the next week on the couch. Okay, fine. At least I have the time off of work. Too bad the house isn't getting cleaned. I endured that, felt better by the next week, celebrated the New Year, and felt great for a few days while life started to get back to normal. Then it started all over again. And it me hard!
Long story short, I've been sick for more days post-Christmas than I've been well. And I'm tired of it.
Here's why:
10) I hate coughing. Coughing is gross, and loud, and annoying. I've been arming myself with cough drops every time I enter a movie, or worship service, or meeting. Sunday night I was sitting in the front row of church and had a cough attack with no water at my disposal. I had to walk out, through the front of the church, loudly, and just barely composed myself before I had to return to the stage to play the piano for our communion worship set. I hate being that kind of distraction. It was ugly.
9) I'm tired of the couch. Plain and simple. I love catching up on movies and random television. But the couch gets boring really quickly.
8) I love my job. I don't like to take sick days. I'd rather just come in and get stuff done and enjoy people and my work than feel like a wuss calling in sick.
7) It just feels gross, and I'm always tired. I sound terrible. I laugh like an old smoker dude. I don't have an appetite. It's just simply NO fun.
6) I can't go to the gym. I finally have time again. But I have NO energy, and feel like I have to save every last ounce of it so that my body can be healthy again.
5) I have consumed endless amounts of Sudafed, Ibubrofen, DayQuil, NyQuil, fruit juices, cough drops, and Echinacea Tea. I'm grateful for all of these things and to have them at my disposal. But I'd prefer not to spend the money to keep them there. And medicine tastes gross.
4) I'm just behind on life. I haven't found time to do the simple things like grocery shopping, and errands, and even paying the bills, or updating our cable. Being sick just takes the life out of me.
3) I miss all the fun stuff. I've had to turn down lunches, concerts, and all sorts of fun events with friends. I hate doing that.
2) I can't sing. This isn't like, a soul crusher to me or anything...
1) I miss friendly interaction. My friends have said things to me like, "I don't wanna stand next to you.", "are you sure you should be here with us?", and "I'm not gonna hug you." I love my friends. I love being with my friends. I love hugging my friends. And this makes me really, really sad.
Anyone else feel the same way? I'm done.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Monday, January 07, 2013
My funeral prayer.
... and the melody that He gave to me ... within my heart is ringing ...
Funerals. I've sung these lyrics at funerals. Each of my grandmothers', in particular. So, naturally, I cried singing them with the congregation today. I've been a part of and attended many funerals. I've been to funerals after a tragic death. I've been to funerals of those who have suffered from cancer. I've been to funerals of those that have died too young. I've been to funerals of those that lived long faithful lives. I've been to funerals of those whose faith we were unsure.
Funerals. I know I've said recently that I kinda hate funerals. They're hard. They can be awkward. And I never know what to say to the family. And I just don't really like to "do" them. As the musician, I'm not one to seek them out. But I have a new confession to make: I actually kinda love funerals. Well, I mean, okay- that's a strange thing to say too. But I do, because they impact my heart. And, what else? I know that my presence there matters to others. And that's important.
In the last three days I have been a part of two very different funerals. So I think I can verify that maybe the reason I tend to have a hard time doing them, is because they can take a toll on my heart. I can be so sensitive to the emotion and the loss. But at the same time they take a toll, there's always SOMETHING that happens in each service that strengthens and challenges my heart.
Saturday's funeral was powerful. Our church hosted a funeral for a 23-year-old man, tragically killed, whose family had only once prior graced its doors. We witnessed hundreds of "young people" mourn the loss of a friend. It was hard. But I didn't think twice about putting in extra time and pouring my heart into the music that I helped provide for this moment in time. I can not express the honor that I felt in participating, and only hope and pray that by God's mercy and love, my being there shined some of that love on the family, and the people that gathered.
Today's funeral reached my heart in a related, but very different way. Again, I didn't think twice about offering what I could for these friends. And from the moment I read the biography on the program, I was challenged to live my life in a way that someday these same words would be written about me. "She loved to sing." Yep. "She was truly a Proverbs 31 woman." I can aspire. "She also loved singing in the church choir and was game to be in skits or whatever was asked of her." Awesome. "She loved to play Scrabble... played as often as she could and usually won..." Ha. "Her desire for [the world] was to know her passion for Christ her Savior and for them to enter into a lifelong relationship with Him."
And then her son-in-law got up and shared portions of her diary. From when she was 20 years old. She lived through and wrote about D-day. She wrote about FDR's death and Truman's coming into office. She wrote about the day-to-day, her dates with men, college, and her singing opportunities. And woven through it all was her devotion to prayer and serving the Lord.
And then my friend Kelsey stood up, and through her tears (which prompted mine) read a tribute about how her grandmother and her love and her faith impacted her life. And my friend Kelsey is an absolute beautiful woman of God, who is teaching her children to love God, and whose treasured moment was that of her toddler son singing a hymn with her grandmother - caught on video. Legacy.
So, if I want this, (and I do), I have a choice to make. I have a choice to make today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and every day for the rest of my life. I want to be remembered like this. I want to know that I have impacted people's lives and hearts. And I want those people to gather after I have left this earth and talk about how they were blessed to know me. Not because I think I'm awesome. Not even because it's all about those words and songs and pictures and videos that they'll share. I want to know that *I* have been a vessel of the good Lord above. And that I loved because He did. Today, in honor of sweet Shirley and all the saints I have ever known, I choose that love. And in my own prayer, and today's version of a diary, I desire for the world to know...
... The joy we share as we tarry there... none other has ever known...
Funerals. I've sung these lyrics at funerals. Each of my grandmothers', in particular. So, naturally, I cried singing them with the congregation today. I've been a part of and attended many funerals. I've been to funerals after a tragic death. I've been to funerals of those who have suffered from cancer. I've been to funerals of those that have died too young. I've been to funerals of those that lived long faithful lives. I've been to funerals of those whose faith we were unsure.
Funerals. I know I've said recently that I kinda hate funerals. They're hard. They can be awkward. And I never know what to say to the family. And I just don't really like to "do" them. As the musician, I'm not one to seek them out. But I have a new confession to make: I actually kinda love funerals. Well, I mean, okay- that's a strange thing to say too. But I do, because they impact my heart. And, what else? I know that my presence there matters to others. And that's important.
In the last three days I have been a part of two very different funerals. So I think I can verify that maybe the reason I tend to have a hard time doing them, is because they can take a toll on my heart. I can be so sensitive to the emotion and the loss. But at the same time they take a toll, there's always SOMETHING that happens in each service that strengthens and challenges my heart.
Saturday's funeral was powerful. Our church hosted a funeral for a 23-year-old man, tragically killed, whose family had only once prior graced its doors. We witnessed hundreds of "young people" mourn the loss of a friend. It was hard. But I didn't think twice about putting in extra time and pouring my heart into the music that I helped provide for this moment in time. I can not express the honor that I felt in participating, and only hope and pray that by God's mercy and love, my being there shined some of that love on the family, and the people that gathered.
Today's funeral reached my heart in a related, but very different way. Again, I didn't think twice about offering what I could for these friends. And from the moment I read the biography on the program, I was challenged to live my life in a way that someday these same words would be written about me. "She loved to sing." Yep. "She was truly a Proverbs 31 woman." I can aspire. "She also loved singing in the church choir and was game to be in skits or whatever was asked of her." Awesome. "She loved to play Scrabble... played as often as she could and usually won..." Ha. "Her desire for [the world] was to know her passion for Christ her Savior and for them to enter into a lifelong relationship with Him."
And then her son-in-law got up and shared portions of her diary. From when she was 20 years old. She lived through and wrote about D-day. She wrote about FDR's death and Truman's coming into office. She wrote about the day-to-day, her dates with men, college, and her singing opportunities. And woven through it all was her devotion to prayer and serving the Lord.
And then my friend Kelsey stood up, and through her tears (which prompted mine) read a tribute about how her grandmother and her love and her faith impacted her life. And my friend Kelsey is an absolute beautiful woman of God, who is teaching her children to love God, and whose treasured moment was that of her toddler son singing a hymn with her grandmother - caught on video. Legacy.
So, if I want this, (and I do), I have a choice to make. I have a choice to make today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and every day for the rest of my life. I want to be remembered like this. I want to know that I have impacted people's lives and hearts. And I want those people to gather after I have left this earth and talk about how they were blessed to know me. Not because I think I'm awesome. Not even because it's all about those words and songs and pictures and videos that they'll share. I want to know that *I* have been a vessel of the good Lord above. And that I loved because He did. Today, in honor of sweet Shirley and all the saints I have ever known, I choose that love. And in my own prayer, and today's version of a diary, I desire for the world to know...
... The joy we share as we tarry there... none other has ever known...
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Back to life.
My blog has been resurrected! Finally!
Ha. Actually, I haven't written on this one for 8 years! In the meantime, I wrote on Xanga (ligsar.xanga.com). But I haven't written a post there in a year now either.
You can check out previous posts on either site. Some of them are terrible. Some of them are pretty good, if I do say so myself. :-)
One of my favorites for the past couple of years is the New Year's one you're about to read. In reading over some of my posts recently, I've realized I really like looking back at these ones. (Seriously, if you start reading any of my previous posts, start with this one from last year.) So I want to make it an annual post. Here goes...
Ha. Actually, I haven't written on this one for 8 years! In the meantime, I wrote on Xanga (ligsar.xanga.com). But I haven't written a post there in a year now either.
You can check out previous posts on either site. Some of them are terrible. Some of them are pretty good, if I do say so myself. :-)
One of my favorites for the past couple of years is the New Year's one you're about to read. In reading over some of my posts recently, I've realized I really like looking back at these ones. (Seriously, if you start reading any of my previous posts, start with this one from last year.) So I want to make it an annual post. Here goes...
2012
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Wrote a check to pay rent! Ate grits. (No, I did not like them.)
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I'm not big on making them... I really don't think I had any goals for the year! :-S
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No?!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No. I think I only attended one funeral - for a co-worker. :-(
5. What countries did you visit? None. Barely even made it out of Minnesota!
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? How many years does this answer have to be a boyfriend? Haha. Other than that, I'm really in pretty good shape!
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 2nd, I suppose! I moved into my new house!
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Wrote a check to pay rent! Ate grits. (No, I did not like them.)
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I'm not big on making them... I really don't think I had any goals for the year! :-S
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No?!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No. I think I only attended one funeral - for a co-worker. :-(
5. What countries did you visit? None. Barely even made it out of Minnesota!
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? How many years does this answer have to be a boyfriend? Haha. Other than that, I'm really in pretty good shape!
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 2nd, I suppose! I moved into my new house!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Moving into my new house. :-)
9. What was your biggest failure? That one's always financial... I'm still not good at paying all my bills and managing my cash flow. (True confession. Yikes.)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had strep throat for the first time ever. It's disgusting.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A bed? I definitely bought more furniture than I've ever bought in a year before!
9. What was your biggest failure? That one's always financial... I'm still not good at paying all my bills and managing my cash flow. (True confession. Yikes.)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had strep throat for the first time ever. It's disgusting.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A bed? I definitely bought more furniture than I've ever bought in a year before!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I can't help but always say my nephew Luke on this one. He's an amazing little boy.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I can't say anyone personally... but, all those people you see on the news... you know the ones that kill people... those ones...
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I can't say anyone personally... but, all those people you see on the news... you know the ones that kill people... those ones...
14. Where did most of your money go? Educational debt, car maintenance, and food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving. :-)
16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Gangnam Style, obviously.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Slightly happier, I suppose. God's been really good to me. No doubt about that.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving. :-)
16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Gangnam Style, obviously.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Slightly happier, I suppose. God's been really good to me. No doubt about that.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Well, working out is an usual answer, shoot. I actually wish I had done more for other people. I feel like I did a lot of the "minimum" and a lot of looking out for me, and didn't extend myself to make more of a difference in the world.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? ???
20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve - with my family and at church. All beautiful. Christmas Day - breakfast with some friends, and on the couch with a cold, watching movies.
21. How will you spend New Years? Well, this is past tense... (New Year's Eve) I hung out with my friend Abe for dinner, games, shopping, and a movie... then a party with all sorts of friends... then (New Year's Day) I went to movie and dinner with my friend Erin... all good. :-)
22. What was your favorite TV program? Always and forever: FRIENDS and American Idol.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope!
24. What was the best book you read? Yeah, didn't do much of that...
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? All Sons & Daughters
26. What did you want and got? A new place to live.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? ???
20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve - with my family and at church. All beautiful. Christmas Day - breakfast with some friends, and on the couch with a cold, watching movies.
21. How will you spend New Years? Well, this is past tense... (New Year's Eve) I hung out with my friend Abe for dinner, games, shopping, and a movie... then a party with all sorts of friends... then (New Year's Day) I went to movie and dinner with my friend Erin... all good. :-)
22. What was your favorite TV program? Always and forever: FRIENDS and American Idol.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope!
24. What was the best book you read? Yeah, didn't do much of that...
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? All Sons & Daughters
26. What did you want and got? A new place to live.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? Oh man. I saw a lot of movies this year... NOT 'The Katy Perry Movie' though I loved it... umm... I loved 'The Descendants'. And well, 'Les Miserables' was pretty incredible.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33. I baked cookies. My friend Chad made me chili and brought it over for lunch. I had one meeting at church and then went out for happy hour with a bunch of co-workers. Then I worked an incredible service at church and finished out the evening by going out with some girlfriends. It was pretty awesome and I felt really loved, not gonna lie. I wish birthdays happened more often. We all need to feel loved like that more than once a year.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Immeasurably? Satisfying? That's intense. And I think that one comes down to attitude, but I honestly can't answer that. Really. I'm just super grateful right now.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Old Navy. Always Old Navy.
31. What kept you sane? Repeat answer: Solely the fact that I stand on a Solid Rock. Seriously- don't know how it's done, otherwise.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33. I baked cookies. My friend Chad made me chili and brought it over for lunch. I had one meeting at church and then went out for happy hour with a bunch of co-workers. Then I worked an incredible service at church and finished out the evening by going out with some girlfriends. It was pretty awesome and I felt really loved, not gonna lie. I wish birthdays happened more often. We all need to feel loved like that more than once a year.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Immeasurably? Satisfying? That's intense. And I think that one comes down to attitude, but I honestly can't answer that. Really. I'm just super grateful right now.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Old Navy. Always Old Navy.
31. What kept you sane? Repeat answer: Solely the fact that I stand on a Solid Rock. Seriously- don't know how it's done, otherwise.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I just really don't do that...
33. What political issue stirred you the most? Just recently: I'm getting more intrigued when it comes to gun control. I don't know what the answer is. But we've got to do SOMETHING to make guns less accessible and prevent more tragedies.
34. Who did you miss? The Petty family moved back to Texas.
35. Who was the best new person you met? Because I can pick just one? Oh wait. Judah Hoard. 'Cause he's one of the newest. :-) Ooh. Megan Elston can be on that list too! And my roommate Sonya.
36. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2012: This is why I need to blog more. I have no idea...
33. What political issue stirred you the most? Just recently: I'm getting more intrigued when it comes to gun control. I don't know what the answer is. But we've got to do SOMETHING to make guns less accessible and prevent more tragedies.
34. Who did you miss? The Petty family moved back to Texas.
35. Who was the best new person you met? Because I can pick just one? Oh wait. Judah Hoard. 'Cause he's one of the newest. :-) Ooh. Megan Elston can be on that list too! And my roommate Sonya.
36. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2012: This is why I need to blog more. I have no idea...
See? Fun. Anyone else want to share their answers???
Stay tuned for another New Year post... with photos... I have a lot to be grateful for in 2012.
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