My funeral prayer.

... and the melody that He gave to me ... within my heart is ringing ...

Funerals.  I've sung these lyrics at funerals.  Each of my grandmothers', in particular.  So, naturally, I cried singing them with the congregation today.  I've been a part of and attended many funerals.  I've been to funerals after a tragic death.  I've been to funerals of those who have suffered from cancer.  I've been to funerals of those that have died too young.  I've been to funerals of those that lived long faithful lives.  I've been to funerals of those whose faith we were unsure.

Funerals.  I know I've said recently that I kinda hate funerals.  They're hard.  They can be awkward.  And I never know what to say to the family.  And I just don't really like to "do" them.  As the musician, I'm not one to seek them out.  But I have a new confession to make:  I actually kinda love funerals.  Well, I mean, okay- that's a strange thing to say too.  But I do, because they impact my heart.  And, what else?  I know that my presence there matters to others.  And that's important.

In the last three days I have been a part of two very different funerals.  So I think I can verify that maybe the reason I tend to have a hard time doing them, is because they can take a toll on my heart.  I can be so sensitive to the emotion and the loss.  But at the same time they take a toll, there's always SOMETHING that happens in each service that strengthens and challenges my heart.

Saturday's funeral was powerful.  Our church hosted a funeral for a 23-year-old man, tragically killed, whose family had only once prior graced its doors.  We witnessed hundreds of "young people" mourn the loss of a friend.  It was hard.  But I didn't think twice about putting in extra time and pouring my heart into the music that I helped provide for this moment in time.  I can not express the honor that I felt in participating, and only hope and pray that by God's mercy and love, my being there shined some of that love on the family, and the people that gathered.

Today's funeral reached my heart in a related, but very different way.  Again, I didn't think twice about offering what I could for these friends.  And from the moment I read the biography on the program, I was challenged to live my life in a way that someday these same words would be written about me.  "She loved to sing."  Yep.  "She was truly a Proverbs 31 woman."  I can aspire.  "She also loved singing in the church choir and was game to be in skits or whatever was asked of her."  Awesome.  "She loved to play Scrabble... played as often as she could and usually won..."  Ha.  "Her desire for [the world] was to know her passion for Christ her Savior and for them to enter into a lifelong relationship with Him."

And then her son-in-law got up and shared portions of her diary.  From when she was 20 years old.  She lived through and wrote about D-day.  She wrote about FDR's death and Truman's coming into office.  She wrote about the day-to-day, her dates with men, college, and her singing opportunities.  And woven through it all was her devotion to prayer and serving the Lord.

And then my friend Kelsey stood up, and through her tears (which prompted mine) read a tribute about how her grandmother and her love and her faith impacted her life.  And my friend Kelsey is an absolute beautiful woman of God, who is teaching her children to love God, and whose treasured moment was that of her toddler son singing a hymn with her grandmother - caught on video.  Legacy.

So, if I want this, (and I do),  I have a choice to make.  I have a choice to make today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and every day for the rest of my life.  I want to be remembered like this.  I want to know that I have impacted people's lives and hearts.  And I want those people to gather after I have left this earth and talk about how they were blessed to know me.  Not because I think I'm awesome.  Not even because it's all about those words and songs and pictures and videos that they'll share.  I want to know that *I* have been a vessel of the good Lord above.  And that I loved because He did.  Today, in honor of sweet Shirley and all the saints I have ever known,  I choose that love.  And in my own prayer, and today's version of a diary, I desire for the world to know...

... The joy we share as we tarry there... none other has ever known...